A couple of weeks ago, my two older kids and myself were sick with some random summer stomach virus. We were all running high fevers and I was dosing out Tylenol and Motrin like shots at a bar. Needless to say, it can get confusing trying to remember who needs what medicine and when, especially when I am sick myself.
I have learned to keep a list on my kitchen counter that lists each child and when I gave them medicine last. This way at 3 o'clock in the morning, when I'm half asleep, with a crying kid, I'm not struggling to remember if it's time for medicine yet.
Also, it keeps myself and my husband on the same page. Since I was sick too and taking four hour naps during the day, he could just refer to the list without waking me up, since I am the one normally handing out medicine in our house.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Taking "Me Time"
After having a baby, taking care of yourself and your relationship is so important. Part of that includes getting out without the kids every once in while to enjoy some needed and deserved “me time.” I have people tell me that they have no desire to leave their kids for any reason and that they will take time for themselves and their relationships when their kids leave for college. These people are CRAZY and I would love to talk to those same people when their kids do leave for college and see their state of mind and state of their relationships.
One mistake couples make in regard to “me time” after having kids is the concept of keeping score with each other. For example, your husband went out on Wednesday, so that means you HAVE to go out on Thursday. Don’t get too involved in keeping score You will spend your whole married life trying to keep score and keep things even, but everyone loses with this mentality. It’s not a race or competition, so do not make it one. Figure out what you need and relay that to your partner. Maybe to keep sane, you only need to get out by yourself a couple times a month and your spouse likes to get on once a week. Don’t focus so much on the amount of time spent away, unless of course one of you feels it is too much time away. Every relationship will be different, the key is to TALK to your partner and let each other know what is needed.
After my second baby was born, when my husband would make plans with his friends it started to bother me because I rarely went out with mine. It did not bother me that he was getting out once in a while because he deserves some “me time” too, it bothered me because I felt I did not get the same “me time.” So I would make little rude comments as he was walking out the door to let him know my displeasure.
He finally sat me down and told me that I could go out whenever I wanted and that he was not stopping me. Telling me that I needed to make time with my friends, that he couldn’t call my friends and make plans for me, I would have to do that part myself. It made me realize that he was right. I just assumed that I could not go out and enjoy things on my own, but in reality, nothing was stopping me, My husband encouraged me to get out, never once giving me a hard time about leaving.
My point being that if we never sat down and talked about this resentment that I was feeling, it would have built up and eventually built up a wall in our relationship. As you embark on the journey of parent hood and expand your families, do not forget to TALK, TALK, TALK with your partner. Keep the lines of communication open, so when you do feel overwhelmed and exhausted it will be easy to talk with your partner about your feelings. Being able to talk in a productive way without lashing out and playing the blame game is essential to make your relationship stronger.
Without productive communication, resentment will begin to build like tiny weeds that will eventually over-run your marriage. It is YOUR job to tell your spouse what you need, if you don’t tell them, how can you expect them to know?
One mistake couples make in regard to “me time” after having kids is the concept of keeping score with each other. For example, your husband went out on Wednesday, so that means you HAVE to go out on Thursday. Don’t get too involved in keeping score You will spend your whole married life trying to keep score and keep things even, but everyone loses with this mentality. It’s not a race or competition, so do not make it one. Figure out what you need and relay that to your partner. Maybe to keep sane, you only need to get out by yourself a couple times a month and your spouse likes to get on once a week. Don’t focus so much on the amount of time spent away, unless of course one of you feels it is too much time away. Every relationship will be different, the key is to TALK to your partner and let each other know what is needed.
After my second baby was born, when my husband would make plans with his friends it started to bother me because I rarely went out with mine. It did not bother me that he was getting out once in a while because he deserves some “me time” too, it bothered me because I felt I did not get the same “me time.” So I would make little rude comments as he was walking out the door to let him know my displeasure.
He finally sat me down and told me that I could go out whenever I wanted and that he was not stopping me. Telling me that I needed to make time with my friends, that he couldn’t call my friends and make plans for me, I would have to do that part myself. It made me realize that he was right. I just assumed that I could not go out and enjoy things on my own, but in reality, nothing was stopping me, My husband encouraged me to get out, never once giving me a hard time about leaving.
My point being that if we never sat down and talked about this resentment that I was feeling, it would have built up and eventually built up a wall in our relationship. As you embark on the journey of parent hood and expand your families, do not forget to TALK, TALK, TALK with your partner. Keep the lines of communication open, so when you do feel overwhelmed and exhausted it will be easy to talk with your partner about your feelings. Being able to talk in a productive way without lashing out and playing the blame game is essential to make your relationship stronger.
Without productive communication, resentment will begin to build like tiny weeds that will eventually over-run your marriage. It is YOUR job to tell your spouse what you need, if you don’t tell them, how can you expect them to know?
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